Limbo

My assignment, courtesy of Julie, is to let you all know how things are going lately.  I have typed out snippets, only to erase them moments later.  I’ve considered IM’ing Julie and asking her to delay posting anything so that I might craft something clever or profound. 

I’ve done my best to convey to those of you that have participated in Julie’s raffle of the quilt (which I covet), how profoundly touched I am that Julie would sacrifice this quilt, being so generous of her time, her artistry, her very being, and how many of you have felt my pain, and have helped to heal the hole in my soul.

Once again – a profound thanks.

(I’ll make this admission here – I had to continually remind myself that buying my own chances for that quilt was counterproductive, and that it might be awkward to have Julie announce ‘And the winner of the quilt raffle for Boulder, is…..er, Boulder?!”)

But here’s the thing.  Surrogacy?  It is really, really hard some days.  I consider myself an absolute professional when in comes to IVF.  I mean, if they’d let me, I could probably do the whole process from start to finish (though awkwardly) without any supervision. 

Now I have these new tasks to factor in.  Lawyers, contracts, mock cycles, psychology appointments, and so much more.  I feel like I need to make a bullet point list with each step along the way to mark off, so that I can sense the light at the end of the tunnel – and know it isn’t a freight train.

I find myself feeling absolutely overwhelmed some days.  I feel paralyzed.  I want to procrastinate.  And then I find myself trying to figure out why when something is so important to me – why don’t I just dive in and tackle the issues?

Then I realize – it is because I’m at the end of my path.  I’m at plan “z” - what if it doesn’t work?

Then I freeze.   

I understand philosophically that inaction is, in fact, action.  But I think I’m protecting my heart from breaking in to pieces around me. 

My cycle in February was delayed.  I was hoping to get going this past week.  My clinic, however, has just thrown me a major curve ball.  (An aside - any gifts that I received which had a shortened shelf live were passed on to ladies in need - thank you.)

We are now required (due to a FDA ruling from May 2005) to quarantine my husband’s sperm for 6 months.  Once that quarantine time has passed and he’s shown to be clear of things like HIV, Hep B, Hep C, and CMG, to name a few, then they will let us do a fresh cycle with a transfer to our surrogate.  Where I’m frustrated is that this is the first time this issue has come up.

I’ve been told it is because the clinic follows “SART” guidelines. I cannot find these “guidelines,” but have found this (go ahead and read it – I’ll wait):

QUARANTINE REQUIREMENTS

1. Eggs and embryos need not be quarantined.
In the preamble to the proposed rule, FDA stated that reproductive cells and tissues that can reliably be stored should be quarantined for at least 6 months so that the donor could be retested and determined to eligible. FDA listed spermatozoa and sperm progenitor cells as examples of those that maintain function and integrity during storage. ASRM submitted comments to FDA urging them not to require storage of oocytes and embryos, and in the final rule FDA did clarify that they did not intend the quarantine and retesting requirement to apply to embryos and oocytes. The six-month quarantine requirement in §1271.60(a) and the re-testing requirement in §1271.85(d) apply only to anonymous semen donors
2. Semen.
The six-month quarantine requirement in §1271.60(a) and the re-testing requirement in §1271.85(d) apply only to anonymous semen donors. Also, you do not have to obtain a specimen for testing at each donation from a repeat anonymous donor, so long as the initial specimen was tested and you do not release any of the donations until after the donor has been retested at least six months post-donation.

Source [ASRM]

I do not want to become persnickety with my clinic.  I have an excellent relationship with all of the people at the clinic, and with my RE, in particular.  But this new interpretation is unsettling to me.

Why is it that ASRM appears to be indicating that a known donor does not need to be quarantined – yet SART is not in agreement with the amended ruling?

Does anyone out there have a clinic that is not following the rationale of my clinic?  Are they affiliated with SART?  Does anyone have access to the SART guidelines for me to read? (If you do, would you please email me?)

Several kind readers have shared their personal experiences, and I’m finding differing interpretations – and would love to be able to present alternatives to my RE, whom I find to be receptive to my input.

So, we are in quarantine mode.  And I’m hoping that in the 22 minutes I spend away from my husband each day, there isn’t any deviant behavior that will jeopardize the quarantine.  I’m very clear with my expectations for him.

He can do heroin – just not in the living room.

Comments

[Tertia]

Oh my dear friend, so sorry this is all taking so damn long. You really are having to deal with so much crap.

Sending you all my love and smooches.

And I better win that damn quilt.

xx

[KIMMER]

No, I better win the quilt!
So sorry you have more waiting a head of you. That just sucks, I've been wondering what was going on.
Thanks for the update.

[Woody's Girl]

Maybe their interpretation is meant to imply that you really do not *know* your husband? Like, maybe he's a Doppleganger or something?

I'm so sorry this process has become so protracted. Please see if you can get your RE to drop the quarantine. Surely Plan Z must work!

{{{hugs}}}
Jennifer

[dawn in ky]

I want that QUILT!!! But if I don't get it that is fine too as long as you get what you and many of us desperaltely want!!! I hate the wait thing and wish that I could help you find a way out of it!!! Best of luck Boulder and thank Julie for making you update us!!!

dawn in ky

[DD]

Any one of us who thinks of ourselves on plan Z find it hard to take what may be our last step. Frankly I hope this is the last step for you as far as infertility treatments because that means it will be your first step into parenting.

Now, please don't wait so long to update. I want to know that you are still out there.

[pmarks0]

Good luck with everything. I hope you're able to get past this and get started sooner than the 6 months. I sent you an email with a link to some information that I hope will be useful for you.

Pam

[Shelba]

I've been thinking about you big time, girly. Keep those updates a'coming, please!

[millie]

It's so very nice to see an update from you. I think the 6 months is only for donor stuff--I know this is related to the changes in donor embryos but from my reading of this you should be ok. I hope you get an answer soon.

Oh and since I'm all back from SA, lemme know if you need any more gifts. I know we talked about this earlier but just wanted you to know I was still thinking about you.

[Lioness]

Hugs,swetie, just loads of hugs.

[meg from the egg]

Boulder - I'm sorry to here about the latest stuffaround. I hope things turn out for you. x

[Jen (yup, another one)]

Yes, I do have a clinic that is interpreting that in the opposite - as of May 2005 they STOPPED requiring quarantine for known donor sperm. I don't know anything about SART but if you e-mail me I can give you more details. additionproblems AT gmail DOT com.

Wishing you all the best luck - the karma of that quilt ought to do SOMETHING!!

[Julia]

Now that's some BS. I don't have anything helpful to offer about it, but it seems like something could be done. Maybe a more learned soul with offer a good solution.

As for being profound, I think we'll all settle for just being.

Always wishing the best for you.

[pixi]

Criminy - couldn't they figure out all that stuff with a simple blood test? What a pain. Sorry the hoops just keep getting bigger and bigger.

[JennyK]

Poo, I didn't win the quilt. But I'm still hoping that your clinic gets a clue and realizes that while they're doing a great job adhering to the guidelines, perhaps they should read them JUST A BIT CLOSER?

[soralis]

Sorry to hear about the delay... as if you haven't waiting long enough.

Good luck!

[Jen P]

Boulder, I've read this about 4 times, over the course of a few days trying to make sense of it. Trying to google around. I just don't get how your own husband's sperm can be identified as anon. I keep thinking -- bastards?! Are they afraid of a civil lawsuit of some sort?? Has it actually happened?

ARGH!!

I hope you can get some answers. If not we'll all kick some ass.

You've waited so very long and want this so very much. I don't get it.

Life sucks.

[Meira Voirdire]

Well, I think that interpretation just sucks. And is so obviously wrong . . . !!!

I'm sorry. I'll hold out hope for something to change or your RE to come to their senses or something . . . anything . . . ;o)

[DaniGirl]

I've got nothing useful to offer, just heartfelt angst that you are facing yet another delay. I've been lurking and hoping along with you... I hope you find a way around this latest roadblock.

[Pamplemousse]

The delays and the bureaucracy all become such a part of the process that I do not know what we would do if they were not there. It looks like a snafu to me on the 6 month quarantine but what the heck do I know? Waiting and twiddling thumbs alongside you, my dear.

[Jen]

Im really sorry for the unexpected wait!! I hope it goes fast and you are on your way to motherhood!!! Your last statement made me laugh out loud!

[Sami]

6 months???? Sorry I know nothing about the SART guidelines... however I hope that you are able to gently change your RE's opinion on the interpretation of those guidelines. Will keep my fingers crossed and thank you so much for updating while I like Albert I am glad to hear that you're still trying to get your boxes all checked and taken care of.

[Laura]

You have a stupid clinic. They do NOT need to quarrantine your dh's sperm. It is NOT an anonymous situation. Are they experienced with using GS???

(I have done five IVF cycles with GS's, and the last was after that new stupid law).

[Melissa]

Plan Z is working for me so far. It will work for you too. Love M

[Tine]

I don't have any wisdom for you unfortunately, but I've got loads of righteous indignation that I'm happy to share.

It's good to hear from you. I'm sorry that you're in waiting mode, but glad to know that your plan is still in motion (albeit slowly).

[Lioness]

(Update, please?)

[JennyK]

Any updates? Even with the stupid quarantine, you should be halfway there by now, right?

[wendy]

I don't think every clinic is following the same rationale.

[KIMMER]

What's going on with you? Thinking of you...
Maybe you could compose a new post just for me?

[Sami]

Hope all is going well. I hope you are soon to be out of limbo.

[Beth in Michigan]

What's going on with you, Boulder? I see you comment at T's, but no news? Oh well, I'm sending you some love anyway! Hope you have a Happy Friday!

[Emilie]

Post! Post! Post!
The 6 months are up!
Post!

[JennyK]

Bueller? Bueller? Boulder?

[Coral]

Please tell us some news. We miss you.

[Woody's Girl]

It's 12:05AM (just past midnight) on Oct 12th... EXACTLY 6 frickin' long months from this post.

So... are you (or DH, actually) out of quarantine yet?

Thinking of you,
Jennifer

[Erica]

{banging fists on table}:

Boulder.
Boulder.
Boulder.
BOULDER!
BOULDER!
BOUL-DER!!!!!

[Brandee]

Joining the masses to beg for a post.

[Foster]

Hey, it's way over six months now!! Whats going on????

[Compa]

BOOOOOOOOOOUL-DEEEEERRRRRR!!!!!?????

Here, Boulder, Boulder! Come to your bloggie! Thaaat's a good Boulder. Come to the keyboard. Right here. That's a girl.

[Sami]

Just popping in hoping for an update... wishing you well... and all that good stuff... post please...

[Erica]

BoulllllllllllldERRRRRRRRRRRR! (in a whiny, petulant voice).

We are very worried about you, won't you please say hello? Even if you don't give us any news, maybe just a short post about nothing? Or something?

I hope you are okay. Actually I hope you are more than okay, I hope you're doing great.

[Lioness]

I'm with Erica and the rest, BOULDY, SHOW THYSELF!!! Nu? NU?? Please post something - not a meme, though, real info! Please please please.

Hope you survived the festivities in one piece. [And yes darling, I know, and it warms my heart.]

[Jen P]

Wishing 2007 treats you well and warmly and not at all in the usual sucking way.

[Kimmer]

BOULDER? What the bloody hell is going on tart?

Really, a little tid bit update please?