What would happen if you tracked these things?
1. How much $ you spend per month
2. How long you spend talking to your family per month
3. How much time you spent working on the thing you say is your "passion" last month
4. How far you walk every day
5. How much you read NOT from a computer
6. How much time you spend organizing your life (bills, etc)
7. How many calories you eat per day
8. How much time you actually work at work
9. How much time you spend watching TV per month
10. Which of your goals you accomplished last year
I know it feels like it has been all about meme around here, but I honestly took this to be more of a life assessment listing. I read it casually at first, and then I began to consider the actual answers to some of these things. I also considered how much some of the answers have changed over the last 4 years or so.
1. Not as much as I used to. Not much at all really. Sure, I have some things that are probably not as much of a necessity to some that I believe are, actually, necessities and therefore expend - take internet connectivity, for instance. An occasional magazine. It is interesting, though, how much desire to purchase a magazine or continue a long-time subscription has been impacted by gossip blogs. I've come to find the delay in publishing the weeklies irritating. Until, however, I can read my computer in the tub, I will probably continue to succumb when a headline grabs my attention enough. Fortunately, I get many great reads out of my favorite - Vanity Fair - and it is downright cheap to subscribe to that magazine.
2. A lot, but more in spurts than it used to be. Life feels complex and, frankly, boring. Sure, there are still wonderful conversations to be had - just not in the number or frequency that they were at one point.
3. A passion? I know I should have one. Everyone should. But mine feels lost forever. I mean if I had to commit the choice here to one, I don't know if I could. I'm just not passionate about much anymore. I guess, right now, I'm happy to have a few wonderful moments each day where my dog is thrilled to spend time with me, and my cats deign to spend time with me. I'm still saddened by the fact, however, that I'm only spending time with one dog, and not the two sisters that made my heart soar to see them running over green grass and collapsing on a deck in the sun on a warm afternoon.
4. A lot. To the kitchen and back. To the car and back. From one spot at work to another. But not much outside. And it is too bad - because the weather has been glorious the past few weeks. Need to get out with loving dog and enjoy that, I think.
5. See above (#1), in the tub. At work, occasionally. But not as much as I would like. (Should I confess here that I believe I came dangerously close to becoming a wanted person by a local library here because I was so overdue with 4 books recently? When we moved I figured I'd just return them to the one closer by, until I realized it was in another municipality and they wouldn't accept them. Fortunately there was a one-time amnesty that I was able to use. How pathetic is that?)
6. For as computer competent and anal retentive as I am, not enough! I am intrigued, though, by a new software I heard about this week. If you are Mac-inclined like I am, and you are a bit anal - you might love this concept as much as I do. (I've actually been doing pdfs for years of online confirmations, bills etcetera, but haven't had a way of organizing things in a way that feels intuitive instead of makeshift.) Check this out if you are interested.
7. Just enough to keep IVF-found weight tightly attached to places I'd rather it was not....
8. Again, a lot. In fact, my personal computer use is way down, damn-it. Fucking customers. (Ha!) Actually, I enjoy pleasant conversations with people during the day. But as I tell my husband, it is for business. I care about the people I talk with, but I do consider it relationship building. It is important to know our client base, and what is going on with them. It is work in the end.
9. The television is on almost every minute I am home. Thanks to Tivo, I don't spend a lot of time interacting with it - but I find the noise to be stimulating and (perhaps weirdly?) comforting. I've been like this forever. Ask my parents.
10. Hmm. Have a baby. Nope. Travel. 5 days out of 365 = 1.37% - doesn’t feel like a yes. Financial stability. Nope. Organization at home. Not really. Find good medical care locally. Not so much. Become "unpacked" as much as makes sense. Not really. Lose weight. Ha! No. Like myself a little more after a few really hard years. A little bit. Move away from FIL. YES!!!
Well, if you've made it this far, you are a committed soul. What about you - did you find the list to be as compelling as I did?
I'm sure that some of these answers make me sound as if I'm depressed - I am not. It is more about things that feel incomplete or missing or stagnate.