Ahem.... Tap. Tap. Tap. Is this thing on? Testing. One. Two. Three.
I've been MIA. I know I've been neglectful. I've gotten lots of emails asking where I am & if everything is ok. I'm very appreciative of the notes and the concern. REALLY.
You see, February is a horrid month in my life. I don't really realize how much I hate it until I'm knee deep in it, though, so I don't give anyone who cares about me & my welfare much of a chance to help out or to know not to worry.
Why do I hate February? Let me count the ways....
- What seems like yesterday, but is in reality years ago now, is the death of my beloved great aunt. As in my mom's aunt. But the word "great" is apropos nonetheless. You see, my grandfather died after he knew my mom was pregnant with me, but before my birth. My great aunt was my fourth "grandparent" from the moment I came into the world. I could talk with her about anything. I took my husband to meet her, and they adored each other. She was a woman without compare. She'd lost the love of her life in the war, and never married. Can you imagine a love so pervasive that you never found someone to fill that void? She'd been a Business Woman in a time when most weren't.All her life she golfed, she bowled. She loved her church. She painted. She played cards like you can't imagine - need to know about poker? She could have played and won at any table in any casino. She could tell jokes that would make seasoned sailors blush. And you could tell her any off-color joke and she'd howl with laughter at the punch line. I have so many fantastic memories of my life with her. She died at the comfortable age of 85, but still too soon for me. I miss her all the time. She died in February of 1998.
- My husband introduced me to one of his best friends on one of our first dates. We'd been out to a happy-hour (remember those?) and we'd had a terrific time, so we thought "let's keep going!" I went home & changed from work attire to fun attire, and met up with my future husband. That is when I met Tim. Back then Tim drove an electric orange Volkswagen Beetle. And.Oh.My.God. He was beautiful, with a gorgeous smile, and did I mention beautiful? That night Tim made quite the impression on me. He offered to drive us all that night, but said he needed to get gas first. We piled into his VW, and set off for the gas station where Tim got gas. He ceremoniously went inside to pay before pumping, and then we all watched as he put in exactly ONE dollar's worth of gas. ONE DOLLAR'S WORTH OF GAS. That's Tim. Tim would call whenever he was coming through town - usually after a long ride, and far too close to us before calling BTW, and would see if he could crash at our place. He even lived with us as newlyweds for one summer. AS NEWLYWEDS. But, you see we love Tim, so it was ok. A girlfriend of mine drove from a nearby city to see me for one weekend, and when she knocked on the door, Tim went to answer it wrapped in a towel around his hips and nothing else, displaying his Grecian god of a body, and my friend - seeing me with Tim in the towel, assumed that I'd ditched my husband for Tim, and she'd caught us en flagrante delicto. Tim played right along, and we all had a great laugh - even my husband, because we loved Tim. Loved? It makes me weep to write in the past tense. Tim was murdered on February 7, 2002. His murder has not yet been solved. I miss him terribly. (I don't like this photo because he isn't smiling, but he used it online to meet women, so I keep it as a reminder of him because it is the only one that I have in digital format.)
- My first IVF, well, the first one after the first canceled one, took place in January 2003, and we were elated that we'd hit the jackpot with a positive. Fairy tale version? We didn't live happily ever after. We miscarried in, yep, February.
- As you've seen in the previous post, our next IVF, well, after the next canceled one, was also a success and we thought we just might bring our twins home in February 2004. Instead one died, and the the other one did. No babies in February for us.
- I instead had a lovely stay at the local medical center in February 2004.
- My friend Tess, had her beautiful children Jasper, Sela and Carys much earlier than we would have liked to have had them come join us in the world on February 23, 2004. (We are ALL so happy they are all three here with us today. We're very thankful indeed.)
- My friend J. found out that her Tig had died.
So, as you can see, February doesn't add up to one of the better months of the calendar year for me. Did I mention I don't like February?
Is it March yet?
I'll be back in March. Promise. March is a great month for me and I'll tell you why. In March.